A Day in the Life of Blank
by reyrocks
Summary: A laughable story about one day in the life of our favorite Kuroshitsuji characters! Crack fic: R&R! I DONT OWN KUROSHITSUJI!
1. Ciel Phantomhive

**A/N: Here's another crack fic that people requested! Hope you all enjoy it! Check out my other stories as well!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kuroshitsuji**

**NOTE: I updated these chapters to fix grammar errors**

_Ciel Phantomhive_

"Bocchan, it's time to wake up now," said Ciel's butler Sebastian. Ciel jumped up as soon as he heard his voice.

"Sebastian!" he said relieved, "I'm so glad it was only a dream!"

"Was it the one with the unicorns again?" he asked.

"…Yes," Ciel replied embarrassed.

"Let's get you ready. You have a long day ahead of you," Sebastian said.

_'Great,_' Ciel thought,_ 'Just what I need after another unicorn nightmare.'_ As usual, Sebastian dressed and prepared Ciel to look suitable for the Phantomhive Earl. Ciel personally thought it was creepy how Sebastian had to dress him like he was a toddler. He was a big enough boy to pull up his pants and he didn't think a grown man should do so unless it was his father. 'I just need someone to tie my shoes for me.' he thought.

After he was dressed, he went down to his regular dining room for his breakfast tea.

"Today's tea is a soothing chai with honey to calm your nerves," his butler said with a smile.

_'Tch, is he _trying_ to make me feel like a paranoid freak?'_ Ciel wondered. Before he could think of something nasty to reply back with, he mumbled: "Thanks." Ciel was not one to be polite or smile, he did not quite like it ever since he'd lost his parents. He felt there was not a reason _to _smile.

When he'd finished his tea, Sebastian said: "Let's begin with some morning lessons."

_'Weeee,'_ Ciel thought sarcastically

"We'll begin with math."

"Whatever," Ciel sighed.

"Now Bocchan, at your age, you should be learning basic Algebra. Today we're going to learn about slope," Sebastian wrote an equation on the board.

"Whoa, whoa, what happened to 2 + 2? I liked that math!" Ciel complained.

"Just go with it." Sebastian continued. "The equation for slope is y=mx+b. Now-"

"How can y=mx+b? They're not the same thing!" Ciel questioned.

"No, see, the letters are variables and they represent numbers, so let's say this. M is slope. B is the y-intercept. And y and x are the points. So let's say you have m=5 and the y-intercept=2. Where would you put them?"

"Whaaa?" Ciel said hopelessly confused. Sebastian had to explain everything to Ciel over 17 times before he finally understood it.

"So b equals?" Sebastian said waiting for an answer.

Ciel stared at him for a second. "B is Bocchan."

"What? I thought you understood it Bocchan!" replied Sebastian.

"I'm slow in math! I forget things easily! Why does y=mx+b? Because it JUST DOES!" Ciel yelled frustrated.

Sebastian sighed. "We'll pick up on this tomorrow. Again. After four months!"

"Geez, don't be so harsh, I'm trying my best!" retorted Ciel, "I bet you're just a bad teacher."

"Keep on believing that. Let's move onto music lessons."

"Uhhhh," Ciel sighed.

"Come on! Don't put it off Bocchan!" Sebastian tried to encourage his master.

"But the violin's a chick instrument! I wanna be a drummer!" Ciel replied.

"Bocchan, you are the Earl of Phantomhive. I don't think the leader of a toy company should be a head bagging, drum slamming freak."

"Yeah, but I hear you at night playing loud music and I know you head bang!" Ciel replied. "Finny told me!"

"THAT'S A LIE!" Sebastian protested. "Come on, let's just get this over with." For the next hour and a half, Ciel went through his suckish violin lesson with Sebastian screaming at him to NOT headband while playing the violin.

Afterwards, it was time for work. Ciel had been working on a case for the queen for quite some time now and he finally thought he found the criminal.

"Let's go Sebastian!" Ciel ordered.

"Where to Bocchan?" his butler asked.

"To the scene of the crime," he replied. Sebastian readied the carriage. Ciel was all alone in the back, thus Sebastian was driving. _'Man, I should have brought some sweets,'_ he thought to himself. Ciel, being the kid he is, got bored quite quickly, so he decided to look out the window.

"Look at them all," he said aloud, referring to the people in the city. "They're all worthless." Ciel began scratching at the seat of the carriage until chips of wood came off. Ciel smiled, for this amused him. He took the chips of wood and began throwing them out the window, hitting nearby pedestrians.

Ciel laughed out loud. He didn't know why he felt the need to throw things, he just did. That was Ciel randomness for you!

He continued to throw chips out the window. On one wood piece, his ring apparently got hooked on and flew out the window along with the piece of bark.

"NOOOOO!" Ciel screamed. He slammed open the carriage door and jumped out, while it was still in motion, and landed on the hard, stone ground.

"Where is it? WHERE IS IT? Ciel panicked. In a second he saw the shiny blue stone ring on the ground. "RINGY!" he squealed and put it back on his thumb. "I'M SORRY!" he cried, "I PROMISE NOT TO LOSE YOU AGAIN!" Ciel laid there on the ground for a minute until another carriage came charging at them.

Ciel gasped. "Well ringy, at least we'll die together. AHHH!" Ciel prepared for the impact but felt nothing. He opened his eyes- well, eye, and saw that Sebastian had come back and redirected the carriage.

"Sebastian!" Ciel rejoiced.

"What were you doing, Bocchan?" he asked.

"My ring fell out the window!"

"Yeah, 'fell'," Sebastian smirked.

"Sebastian!" Ciel complained.

"Don't worry, Bocchan. In my absence, I took care of the criminal, so you need not worry now. We shall go home for our dinner now," Sebastian said.

"Are you asking me on a date?" Ciel asked.

O_o "NO!" Sebastian replied sternly.

So Sebastian took Ciel back to the mansion for diner. Then he got Ciel ready for bed.

"Sleep well, Bocchan," said Sebastian.

"Yeah, whatever," Ciel replied as he drifted off to sleep.

"AHHH!" Ciel screamed. It was 3 o'clock in the morning.

"What's the matter, Bocchan?" questioned Sebastian.

"I had this dream that you, me, the Undertaker, and Grell went on a journey to the top of a mountain where there was this fairy boy and a carrot head that I killed! But the worst part was THERE WERE UNICORNS!" Ciel screamed.

Sebastian had to hold in his laughter.

"What?" Ciel asked.

"I think this means you should be nicer to me," Sebastian said.

Ciel stared at him. "Shut up, retard."

Sebastian signed. "Yes, my Lord."

**Please review!**


	2. Sebastian Micheales

**A/N: New chapter! Thanks for all the review so far! Keep 'em coming!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kuroshitsuji or Bullet For My Valentine :( ahh, their glorious screamo music… haha enjoy!)**

**NOTE: I updated these chapters to fix grammar errors**

_Sebastian Micheales_

There was a scream. _'Oh Bocchan, you and your nightmares!'_ Sebastian thought. He quickly ran to his master's bedroom. There, he found Ciel sitting up, sweat drops rolling down his face.

"Are you alright, Bocchan?" Sebastian asked Ciel.

"Uh, yeah, just another bad dream," he replied shakily.

"Will you be alright?"

"Sure, just… before you go… can you check under the bed for unicorns?"

_'Are you kidding me?'_ Sebastian thought. He said: "Sure Bocchan." Sebastian got down on his hands and knees to satisfy Ciel. He took a quick glace under the bed and said: "There's nothing suspicious under there, Bocchan."

"Oh, ok, then I guess you can leave now," Ciel said.

"Alright, Goodnight Bocchan." Sebastian went out and shut the door. He knew Ciel would be asleep in another half-hour. _'Better go set up.'_ He thought. After going through various hallways and doors, he came to the cellar door. He went inside where there were endless shelves of tea Sebastian chuckled to himself. What Ciel didn't know was that there was a 'secret room.' Sebastian liked to call it his 'crib'. He opened the secret door and went inside.

The room was all dark colors, fitting the demons personality, with a bunch of smashed up things on the wall. He also had and electric guitar in the corner.

"I've missed you!" he said to the guitar. He picked it up and began to play some chords. "LET"S PARTY!" he cheered. The rest of the night, Sebastian jammed out on his guitar, head banging to Bullet For My Valentine music.

When it was time to wake up the Master, Sebastian sadly put his guitar away and went to prepare his master's breakfast.

As he went into the kitchen, he' discovered that Bard had blown up the kitchen again. Sebastian sighed as he reluctantly cleaned up the kitchen in a matter of minutes. The great part about being a demon was that he could do things very quickly and efficiently. The downside was that he was ALWAYS hungry! Human food would just NOT cut it.

When the kitchen was clean and breakfast had been made, he went to wake Ciel up.

"Good morning, Bocchan," Sebastian said as he entered the room.

"Nyyaah," Ciel mumbled half asleep.

"Breakfast is ready. Let's get you ready," As Ciel reluctantly got up from his bed, Sebastian went and got his clothes. Every time Sebastian dressed him, he felt him get tense, especially when he put on his pants, which Sebastian thought was quite comical. What did he think he was gonna do? He's his butler for crying out loud! Still, Sebastian thought it was fun to mess around with the young master so he never said anything.

After he had given Ciel his breakfast, he told him: "Today we're going to skip lessons today, Bocchan." _'Thank God!'_ he thought. Ciel tended to be slow- no, he was just plain dumb- in academics. "You have lots of paperwork to fill out for many new business propositions."

"Fine," Ciel replied setting his teacup down. "I get started right away. Don't bother me unless I call for you."

"As you wish, Bocchan." Sebastian smiled. He knew whenever he smiled like a creeper it kinda freaked Ciel out, so he did it on purpose all the time.

Ciel walked to his office When Sebastian heard the door shut, he said to himself. "Guess I'll go check on the slaves." Referring to Bard, Mey-rin, and Finny.

He found all three of them outside. It seemed they were trying to keep away a trespasser.

"What's going on?" Sebastian asked. They all turned around to look at him.

"SEBBY!~" squealed a voice.

"NYAAH!" Sebastian gasped in reply. Soon, Grell Sutcliff was on top of him.

"Did you miss me, Sebby?" he asked.

"Who would?" Sebastian replied.

"W-we're sorry, Sebastian!" Mey-rin cried, "We tried to get rid of him!"

"It wasn't our fault!" Finny said.

"Everyone, just go inside." All three servants followed orders.

"Let's go somewhere Sebby!" said Grell.

"I, um, can't, because, I, uh, need to… go… yeah… bye!" Sebastian ran off leaving Grell behind as he heard him yell something, but he didn't stop to listen.

When Sebastian finally stopped running, he realized he'd run all the way to Amsterdam.

_'Crud,'_ he thought, _'Ah, oh well, I can take a day off.'_ Sebastian walked through the streets looking at various signs and people. One sign Sebastian saw caught his eye.

"KAREOKE! OMG!" he squealed and ran inside the building. Sure enough, there were lots of people inside having fun listening to karaoke. When the person on the stage had finished their song, the announcer got up and said: "Alright, who wants to go next?"

"OOOOH! MEEEEE!" Sebastian yelled.

"Ok, come up here man!" Sebastian ran up on stage. "Your song is 'Waking the Demon' by _Bullet For My Valentine_."

"OMG! That's my fav song~!" he squealed.

"Well then, have fun!" When the song started, Sebastian sung while head banging and playing air guitar. The crowd loved this and started screaming. When the song was over, the crowd was begging for an encore. Sebastian, not being able to deny his fans, did several more until, 9 o'clock when the club closed.

"Sir! What is your name?" some man asked Sebastian.

"Sebastian Micheales," he replied.

"You are amazing! I'd like to make a record deal with you! You could be famous! You could make millions!"

"I am sorry, but I am a butler. My only pleasure to give is to my master. In fact, he has called me back now." Sebastian flew out the door leaving the music producer confused.

When he arrived back at the mansion, he went to Ciel in his office and said: "You called, Bocchan?"

"Yes," he replied in monotone. "I'm done with my work. I'm not hungry; I just want to go to bed."

"Understood," Sebastian said with a smile. So Sebastian dressed Ciel for bed. "Goodnight, Bocchan, don't let the unicorns bite!" Sebastian joked.

"Shut up! Don't tease about that!" Ciel complained.

"Of course, Bocchan." Sebastian left the room.

He then said: "It's time to PARTY!"

**Please review!**


	3. Undertaker

**A/N: Hope everyone had a nice Christmas and new year! Here's the Undertaker chapter I finally got up! Hope it pleases everyone :) Don't forget to review!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kuroshitsuji or Ghost Whisperer :(**

**NOTE: I updated these chapters to fix grammar errors**

_The Undertaker_

The Undertaker opened his eyes and saw the top of the coffin.

"Eeeeheehee!" laughed the Undertaker. He lifted the lid and sat up. Someone looking from the outside would've thought it was a crazed zombie coming back to life. They'd have been running for the hills by now.

The Undertaker arose from the coffin and went to the bathroom. He walked in, looked in the mirror, and walked straight out. He didn't care much about his appearance. Why? Because it's not like he's going to get a date anytime soon. He never changed his clothes, which were usually smelly. He didn't brush his hair, either. As long as no one could see his eyes.

Really, they looked like normal green shinigami eyes, but he liked to keep them hidden from people because it made them frustrated, and he was too lazy to either cut his bangs or push them aside.

Emerging from the bathroom, the Undertaker went over to his many shelves of dog biscuits.

"Let's see," he said to himself, "Do I want regular biscuits, sweet and sour, chocolate – OH! I'll have the salty ones!~"

The Undertaker grabbed the jar and gobbled them down in a hurry.

"Now before I open the shop, I need a break." The Undertaker went into his back room where he had an old couch and a mini TV. He sat down on the couch and watched cartoons for an hour. Afterwards, he finally opened up his shop for customers. Then he began working on his "patients".

The Undertaker lifted up a lid to one of the coffins, revealing a corpse.

"Hmm, heart attack victim. Such a boring death!" the Undertaker scowled. He put the lid back down and picked up another. "Ooooh! Poisoning from a stab! Undertaker likey!" The Undertaker continued working like this until he heard the bell on the door ring.

"Undertaker," said the all-familiar voice of Ciel Phantomhive.

"Welcome Earl!~" he said.

Ciel sighed. "We need information."

"Of course you do, you won't visit me otherwise!"

"Right. Anyway, what do you know about the poisoned deaths?"

"Whoa! Whoa! Slow down Earl! Where's my laugh?" implied the Undertaker.

"Uhh, fine. Sebastian!"

"Yes, my Lord," his butler replied.

Ciel walked out of the shop, leaving Sebastian alone with the Undertaker.

"Do you have them?" asked the Undertaker.

"Yup," replied Sebastian. He tossed a box over to the Undertaker. He ripped it open and inside were tons of little star bits. The Undertaker ate all of them and burst into laughter.

"EEEHEEEHEEE!" cheered the Undertaker. He bounced all around the shop on a salt high.

Ciel came back in. "I still don't know how you do it!" he commented to Sebastian. "Now tell us what you know!"

"Alright Earl, no need to be pushy!" said the Undertaker. "Today I have discovered that six of my patients have poison in their systems. I have a sample for you if you want it!"

"Get it," Ciel replied sternly.

The Undertaker went into the back room to look for the poison sample. When he got back there, he realized he forgot to turn off his TV.

"Heehee, I need another break!" laughed the Undertaker. He sat back down in his couch to watch more TV.

Soon Ciel came in wondering what was taking so long.

"Hey, have you – what are you doing!" asked Ciel, enraged.

"What's it look like I'm doing, I'm watching TV!" replied the Undertaker.

"What about the poison sample you said you had?"

"I'll get it in a minute Earl!" he said.

Ciel sighed.

"OOOH!" squealed the Undertaker. "The dude just got shot!"

"What are you even watching?" asked Ciel.

"Ghost Whisperer," He replied.

"And you enjoy this?"

"Yes, yes I do," said the Undertaker. "See, I'm a lot like Melinda." The Undertaker grabbed Ciel by the collar and got up in his face. "I can talk to the dead to! All the bodies brought in here, I can talk to them! They tell me jokes. Funny jokes that I can actually laugh at. Dead people are my best friends because they have the best stories. _Their_ stories! Oh, here's that sample for you Earl!~"

When he let go of Ciel, he grabbed the sample and ran out of the shop screaming bloody murder. "Let's go Sebastian!"

"Please excuse us," Sebastian said to the Undertaker.

"Heehee, come back anytime!~" he waved to them as they left. "Ah, they grow up so fast, them Earls! He shall be mine one day… hehehe…" Soon after the two left, her went back to watching TV.

In about an hour, the Undertaker went back to his 'best friends.'

"Hi Harold!~" he said to one of the corpses. "I don't think Earl believed me!"

The body did nothing.

"Yeah, I know his name's Ciel, don't make me cry again!"

Still nothing.

"I promise I'll make you pretty Harold!~" he squealed. The Undertaker then continued on with his work. Soon, a customer came into the shop. By the looks of it, he has a skater punk.

"How can I help you? Asked the Undertaker.

"Yeah, man, I need a coffin," Said the skater.

"Thanks for telling me the obvious,_ man._" Replied the Undertaker.

"So do you have one?" he asked.

"No, this is actually a flower shop," The Undertaker replied sarcastically.

"Oh, ok," The skater punk headed for the door.

"Get back here!"

"Um, ok so can I have one?"

"Yeah, give me money first," He replied.

"Sure," The guy gave the Undertaker a wad of money.

"Go pick one out," said the Undertaker.

"Got any neon colored one?" the guy asked.

"Jesus Christ! It's a coffin! It's gonna go in the ground anyway!" the Undertaker yelled.

"Ok, fine man, chill out!" the skater replied.

"What the crap! Just hurry up and get out of my shop!" the Undertaker was pissed by now.

"Whatever," The guy left before even getting a coffin.

"Heehee, I gots me some money!~" cheered the Undertaker. "That's going towards my life's savings fund, which goes towards cable." For the rest of the day the Undertaker closed the shop and watched more TV. When he decided to go to bed, he said goodnight to all the bodies and got into his sleeping coffin. He closed the lid.

For the next two hours, wild laughter was heard throughout the city of London. The top of a coffin must have been real amusing to the Undertaker.

**Please review!**


	4. Grell Sutcliff

**A/N: More chaps! :D I think this is my longest one for this story too! Hope everyone is liking this so far!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kuroshitsuji, Avril Lavigne, or Ke$ha**

**NOTE: I updated these chapters to fix grammar errors**

_Grell Sutcliff_

It was 9 o'clock and Grell's stereo started blasting music. This surprisingly didn't wake him up. Over in another room, Will yelled:

"Turn it off, Grell!"

"Wha-?" Grell said sleepily. "Oh, time to wake up." He got up from his bed and went to the bathroom. He took a shower while singing Hot by Avril Lavinge and other girly songs the whole time. Then he got dressed into his usual shinigami outfit. _'Will is such a meanie for not letting me wear a dress to work!'_ he thought.

The next hour he spent brushing his incredibly long, thick hair, he thought it was worth it though, if he impressed someone. After that he went next door to Will and Ronald's room. All the shinigamis stayed in dorms at the headquarters. Grell was fortunate enough to have his own dorm and not have to share with anyone. _'Although, I don't know why anyone __wouldn't __want to share with me.'_ He thought.

Grell burst right through the door. "Hi everyone!~"

"How many times do I have to tell you not to come anywhere near here?" Will asked.

"Aww Will! We're neighbors! Show some love!" Grell complained.

"No."

"Be nice William," said Ronald, Will's roommate. "Sutcliff-senpai is just being friendly!"

"No, he's _trying_ to be a nuisance," Will replied.

"You're so mean Will!~" Grell squealed.

"I don't care. And can you please be considerate towards others and keep your music down?" said Will.

"What? You don't like waking up to Ke$ha?" Grell asked.

"First, you don't even wake up, and second, that chick is a lunatic!" Will replied.

"Well Sebby, I know for a fact, loves Ke$ha!" Grell retorted.

"And why should I care about this?"

"Come on guys!" Ronald joined in. "Let's be nice! Group hug!" Grell joined in on the hug immediately. Will just walked away.

"Why so cold Will?" Grell asked.

"Don't call me that!" he replied furiously. "It's because I have to put up with you every morning after being kept awake all night by that reckless maniac!" Will pointed at Ronald.

"Hey!" Ronald complained.

"You slept with him!" Grell cried. "HOW COULD YOU!"

"Woah! Dude! No, he smacks things and talks in his sleep!" replied Will.

"Yeah, 'things'!" said Grell.

"Dude you don't even know me!"

"Will! I thought we were best friends!" Grell said.

Will started laughing hysterically. "Best friends? With _you_! HA! You're dumber than a brick wall if you think that!"

Grell started crying.

"Stop being such a baby!" he yelled at Grell as he continued to cry.

"Will! You hurt his feelings! Say you're sorry!" said Ronald.

"What are you, my mom?" Will replied.

Ronald glared at him.

"Ugh, fine." Will walked over to Grell. "Grell, I'm s-ss-sor-rr-y-y." he stuttered.

"Really?" asked Grell.

"Sure."

"YAAAAAY!~" Grell squealed and grabbed Will and hugged him.

"Ok, that's enough!" Will said while he was being suffocated.

"Oh yeah, tehe!" laughed Grell.

"Let's report to the office," said Will as both shinigami followed him. Grell planned out his whole day in his head._ 'I'll go see Sebby, and we'll have a picnic, and we'll run through a field of flowers, and he'll ask me to stay the night, and, and, and…' _Will hit him over the head with his death scythe.

"Ow! What was that for?" Grell complained.

"You were thinking something wrong, I know it," he replied.

Grell growled. _'Maybe to you…'_ the thought, _'Ahh, Willy's just jealous!'_

When they got to the office, Will said:

"Here's your assignments. Don't slack off, meaning you, Sutcliff."

"Me? When have I ever broken the rules?" Grell asked sarcastically.

"Don't make me slap you," Will said sternly.

"Will you never hit a lady!" replied Grell.

"You're a man. Get over it," He said and went off to do his job. When he and Ronald were gone, he said:

"HERE I COME SEBBY!~" and ran off to the Phantomhive estate.

When Grell got to the mansion, he went right inside to search for Sebastian. He went through various hallways, and checked many rooms, but he could not find him.

"Sebby! Where could you be?" Grell complained out loud. "Maybe I should look for the twerp." He found a door that looked like an office door and opened it. Ciel was sitting at a desk inside.

"Hi!~" Grell said.

"AHH! Bloody unicorn!" Ciel screamed like a girl.

"WHERE?" Grell screamed.

"Wha-? Grell! What are you doing he-"

"Where's Sebby?" Grell interrupted.

"I don't know! Off doing stuff I tell him to do!" replied Ciel.

"Get him!"

"Make me!"

"Oooh, you're gooood," said Grell.

Ciel sighed. "Don't you have a job to do or something?"

"Yeah, but I'll save that for later," replied Grell. "Get him! Or I will SLAY YOU!"

"Then Sebastian would definitely come," Ciel mumbled. Grell heard this and took a chance at it. He got out his chainsaw.

"Hey! Wh-what are you-?" Grell brought down his chainsaw on Ciel. He cut his arm, but not off the whole way or Sebastian would get extremely mad. In a flash, Sebastian was there.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" Sebastian yelled.

"SEBBY!~" Grell squealed.

"Bocchan!" Sebastian ran over to Ciel.

"Idiot!" Ciel yelled at Sebastian.

"ME? I'm not the one who cut you!"

"YAY! I'm being noticed!" cheered Grell.

"Yeah, but you should've come before he almost cut my arm off. Thanks to you I have a bloody arm!" Ciel said.

"Well so-rry, I can only do so much. What do you want anyway?" Sebastian turned to Grell.

"You."

O_o

"Of course," Sebastian sighed. "Well as you can see, I am busy right now."

"What you don't want to spend time with your little friend?" asked Ciel.

"F-friend?" asked Sebastian. "Where are you going with this Bocchan?"

_'I've got that twerp on my side!'_ Grell thought happily.

"Why don't you go have some fun today Sebastian?" Ciel was obviously trying to torture his butler.

"NO! Bocchan, I'm fine with work! I love work! I LOVE YOU! JUST DON'T MAKE ME GO AWAY WITH THAT MANIAC!" Sebastian was clinging to Ciel's legs.

"Dude! Let go before you pull my pants down!" yelled Ciel.

"Please Bocchan! I'll do ANYTHING!" Sebastian pleaded.

"I would, but you're the reason I have a bloody arm!" he held it out. "Sebastian, I ORDER you to go with Grell!"

"NOOOOOOOO!" Sebastian screamed.

"YEEESS!" Grell cheered.

"Bye bye now!" Ciel smirked as Grell dragged Sebastian out of the room.

"WHY BOCCHAN!" Sebastian screamed the entire time he was being pulled along.

"Come on Sebby!~ I'm taking you to headquarters!" said Grell.

"Why?"

"Don't you wanna see where I live?" asked Grell.

"Personally, I'd rather go sing karaoke again," said Sebastian.

"Is that where you went off to one time?" asked Grell.

"YES and they loved me!" Sebastian said, feeling accomplished.

"We can do that another time, we're going to headquarters!" said Grell.

"Aw man," Sebastian complained. Sebastian reluctantly followed Grell to headquarters only because he had to follow orders. Grell was bursting with joy. On their way there, Grell kept trying to hold Sebastian's hand, but he refused.

When they finally got there, Grell led Sebastian inside. Will and Ronald were already back from their missions, when Grell realized he forgot to do his. _'Crap.'_ He thought. _'Oh well, Will can do it for me!'_

"Sutcliff! What are you doing bringing the _demon_ here?" Will asked him.

"Relax Will!" Grell defended himself, "We're just gonna hang out!" Sebastian didn't like the way that sounded.

Will looked at Sebastian. "And you agreed to this?"

"My Bocchan ordered me. The nerve of that little retard… don't tell him I said that," said Sebastian.

"Grell, you know it's against the rules to bring in outsiders," said Will.

"But Willy!~" complained Grell.

"Tch, just get out of here, demon," Will ordered.

"Cool chiz," Sebastian said as he headed back to the mansion.

"NOOO! SEBBY!" Grell cried.

"You," Will looked at Grell.

"Huh?"

"Did you waste all this time with that demon?" asked Will.

"Maybe…" he replied.

"How much more irresponsible can you get?" Will asked.

"I D K, work's over now so I'm going back to my dorm. By Willy!~" Grell left Will behind, furious, with Ronald trying to calm him down. Grell went up to his room. He closed his door and turned up the Ke$hsa music extremely loud. All that could be heard was the music and the angry screams of Will from a mile away.

**Please review! **


	5. William T Spears

**A/N: Hey everyone! Sorry for slow updates and such. Please enjoy this chapter about Will's secret life! *wink wink* ;D**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kuroshitsuji**

**NOTE: I updated these chapters to fix grammar errors**

_William T. Spears_

Will signed. There was no worse way to wake up than from hearing Grell's music from across the hall. Every. Single. Day. "SUTCLIFF! TURN THE MUSIC OFF!" No response. "Tch." Will angrily got ready for work. When he walked out of the bedroom into the living room, he saw Ronald sitting on the couch.

"Moring Will!" he said cheerfully.

"Be quiet. I'm in a bad mood," Will sat down in the kitchen.

"Maybe you should talk about your problems!" suggested Ronald.

"Maybe you should shut up," Will retorted.

"Fine. Be that way!" Ronald said, offended.

Both Ronald and Will were eating breakfast when Grell came in.

"Willy! Ronny!" Grell squealed.

"Grelly!" Ronald cheered along.

"Oh, God," Will mumbled.

"Let's ditch work today and go have fun!" said Grell.

"Yay!" Ronald said happily.

"You can't skip work like school, Grell," Said Will.

"Fine, we'll go without you then!" Grell and Ronald headed for the door.

"Whatever," he said. Then the two were gone. "Hehehehehehehe..." Will headed out to do his 'job'. Grell called himself and actor-er, well, actress, but Will was a better one! (actor, not actress XD) Everyone thought he was a stickler for work, but they were soo wrong. The reason Will always had tons of work to do wasn't just because of Grell, it was about half because of him, but that's another story. The main reason was because of himself. See, when he was supposed to be collecting souls, he was actually hanging out with friends at a poker club. He collected souls extremely quickly beforehand.

So that's just what he did. Will quickly collected the souls of people who were due to die that day and sent them to the cinematic library. "Yes! Now I can go!" he said happily, which is a word not used much to describe Will.

Will thought it was so much fun to be rebellious, even though no one knew about it. He quickly headed for the club. He got inside and headed for the bathroom to throw off his suit. He wore his 'cool clothing' underneath. He also had a tattoo on his left arm that his friends convinced his to get. He headed out and joined his friends.

Will was having a great time, like always, until he saw it. That _thing._ That _red_ thing. _'What the heck?'_ he thought. _'Why is Grell here?'_ Grell was just roaming around, he hadn't even seen Will. We probably wouldn't recognize him in the clothes he was wearing and he had taken his glasses off, so it was unlikely he'd be noticed.

Will and his buds finished their game so Will grabbed his stuff and left. Grell was nowhere in sight.

He turned down the next alley.

"Will?" said a voice.

_'Oh crap,'_ thought Will as he tensed. He tensed. He knew it was Grell. _'Just stay calm and play dumb!'_ Will kept on walking. Good thing he still had his glasses off. He didn't really need them, he just pretended to.

"Will!" Grell came charging at him and jumped on him

"Gaah! What are you doing, creep?" he asked.

"Me? What about you?" said Grell, "I didn't know you played poker!"

"What the-? I don't even know you dude!" Will said, faking it.

"Stop pretending Will!" said Grell, "And where are your glasses? And when did you get a tattoo?"

"Get out of here freak! This is ridiculous!" Will exclaimed throwing Grell off of him. He walked away. Luckily, he wasn't being followed, but just to make sure…

Will walked up to a stoop on a nearby house. That's when he heard the abnormal rustling of leaves and he knew Grell was following him. He just hoped this door was unlocked. He twisted the knob. Luckily, it was, and he went inside.

Indoors, all the lights were turned off because it was late at night by this time. _'Hopefully no one wakes up,'_ he thought. He quickly changed back into his suit. Being a head shinigami, he had the power to transport from place to place. It really was only for emergencies, but this to Will _was_ an emergency. So he teleported back to headquarters.

Once there, he handed in his assignment sheet and went up to his dorm. He opened the door and Ronald was already in his face.

"How was your day Will?" Ronald questioned.

"Fine," he replied coldly. Soon Grell came bursting through the door.

"Will, why did you go into that house?" he asked.

"What?" said Will, still playing dumb.

"I know that was you Will! Don't deny it!" Grell exclaimed.

"Deny what?"

"Did I miss something?" Ronald butted in.

"Hey Ronald, I got an idea!" said Will.

"What?"

"GET OUT OF HERE!" Will screamed.

"Fine! Jesus Christ!" sulked Ronald as he stomped out of the room. When he was gone, Will and Grell just glared at each other for minutes. Then Grell broke the silence.

"Well?"

"'Well?'" Will replied, imitating Grell.

"Don't mock me!" complained Grell. "That was totally you at that club!"

_'Ugh, when is he gonna give it up?_' Will wondered. He decided to give in and sighed.

"I KNEW IT! IT _WAS _YOU!" Grell cheered. "Wait until everyone finds out!"

Will grabbed Grell's neck.

"W-Will?" Grell gasped.

"Dude! I will kill you if you tell anyone! Got it? I will #%^* kill you!"

"Whoa! Watch the language, buddy!" Grell said offensive.

"You are NOT my buddy!" said Will.

"Ok! Ok Will! Fine, I won't tell anyone, for a kiss!~" squealed Grell.

"Just kill me now," Will muttered.

"Ooooorrr," cooed Grell, "We could play poker!"

Will started laughing. "You think you can beat me? HA! If I win, you don't tell anyone, if you win, you can tell anyone."

"Deal." They shook hands.

_'May the lord have mercy on your soul,'_ Will thought deviously.

"WHAT? NOOOOOOO!" Grell cried.

"HA! You lost!" Will cheered.

"I can't believe it!" he pouted.

"Now, no telling!"

"Fine," Grell growled.

The two shinigami went back to their dorms.

"So what was that about Will?" Ronald asked when he got back.

"Oh, I had to take care of a nuisance." Will went to bed accomplished that night. I mean, what else could he accomplish? He's Will for crying out loud! HA!

**Please review!**


	6. Alois Trancy

**A/N: HELLO WORLD! This is the 2****nd**** to last chapter! *sobs* :( But! I have other funny stories you can read to so please check them out! I'll miss writing this but at least I won't have to worry about updates, that's why I like oneshots :) Please enjoy the Alois chapter!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kuroshitsuji, Wikipedia, Fanfiction, or Deviantart :)**

**NOTE: I updated these chapters to fix grammar errors**

_Alois Trancy_

"Aaahaahaa!" Alois laughed. He was rolling around in a field of flowers, laughing like and insane child. In a second, the field turned into a vast ocean. "I'm going to drown!" he cried. Alois tried to break to the surface, but the water just kept pulling him down. He screamed.

And then he woke up. Alois blinked his eyes, recognizing the pink wall around him. "A dream! YAY! Fun dream!" he exclaimed. Alois had lots of dreams, many of which he woke up before he died or committed suicide. He enjoyed every one of them. Many thought the kid was bipolar or just insane. Whenever someone asked him if he had ADD or ADHD or any kind of mental disorder, he'd break down in tears and yell at the person and accuse them of being racist, which made no sense at all. Usually, the person just ran away in fear of the screaming child and Alois would fall on the ground and laugh. Kinda scary.

"Donna-sama," said the voice of Alois's butler, Claude. This put a smile on the boy's face.

"Claude-o!" he squealed. Claude changed Alois into his regular day attire. Alois loved to be pampered, he was like a puppy. When that was done, they went down for breakfast.

"Feed me Claude!" demanded Alois.

"Yes, your Highness." Claude fed Alois his meal. Alois thought it was so much fun to bite the fork so his butler couldn't pull it out. Of course, Claude had no reaction, which ticked Alois off. _'Claude you're so boring!'_ he thought, _'Why don't you want to have any fun?'_ Alois's idea of fun was different from others. A normal 14-year old boy would find play sports and hanging out with friends fun, but Alois's idea of fun as torturing, manipulating, and scandalizing other people.

After he was fed, Hannah and the triplets came in to clean up. Hannah was coming over to get his plate and utensils.

"Let me get that for you, Donna-sama," she said.

Alois glared at her. He _really_ hated Hannah. Alois smiled evilly. He took the dish and threw it at her face.

"GET OUT OF HERE YOU DIRTY HOE!" he yelled. At that, Hannah left with her face bleeding and full of glass bits. "Ahahahahahahahahaha!" Alois laughed hysterically. He noticed Claude just standing there. "Claude. Laugh."

"Hehe," he laughed sarcastically

"Now you're getting it!~" he squealed, obvious not getting it. "HUGS!" he opened his arms wide.

"Do I have to?"

"Yes!" Claude reluctantly hugged Alois.

"Ok, you need to start working now. There's many documents for you to fill out in our office so you might wanna get started," said Claude.

"Haaaaaii!" cheered Alois as he skipped to his office. He got there and sat down at his desk on his special swivel chair. He started spinning around insanely fast.

"WEEEEEEEE!" he screamed. Then he stopped because he was getting dizzy. "Oh cra-ah!" he threw up. "Oh not again!" Alois complained. "Ahh, Claude can clean it up later." He slid back over to the desk. He decided to go over to his computer. Even though it was the 1800s, he had ordered Claude to go to the future and get him something special. This was what he got.

"Let's check my email!" he said. He clicked on the 'sign in' button. It the read '0 New Messages'. Big shock there. "Why doesn't anyone talk to me!" cried Alois. After getting over that issue, he did what he always did on his special toy: Look up info and pictures of Ciel Phantomhive. Because he wanted him, wink, wink. So he went to Wikipedia and read all the Ciel articles, even though he'd already read them about 8375843829447373 times. He sat there for about an hour squealing at all the articles.

"Let's look up Ciel fan art!" Alois cheered. He went to Deviantart and looked up Ciel pictures. "Awwwww," he squealed, "Cielly is just so adorable! As Alois was going through pictures, Claude came into the room to serve him his tea.

"Donna-sama! Stop looking at Ciel pictures!" he said.

"Why?"

"Because that's my job!"

O_o

"Hurry up and give me my tea! Oh yea, and I puked again," said Alois.

"Of course you did," mumbled Claude as he got down to clean the floor.

Next, Alois looked up fanfiction stories about Ciel and him.

"So me and Ciel lived happily ever after! The end!" Alois squealed, "I seriously wonder how these people know me."

"Wonderful," said Claude after he'd finished cleaning the barf off the floor. "Now Donna-sama, I need to go to the market and get some stuff."

"OOOOO! Can I come too?"

"Um, why?" he asked.

"I'll be bored!" he complained.

"And I'll be dead by the end of this trip."

"What?"

"Nothing!" Claude said quickly, "Fine you can come, but don't embarrass me!"'

"Right back at ya buddy!" Alois winked. So Claude and Alois headed off to the market, which was outdoors. Claude went to get Alois out of the carriage.

"Carry me Claude-o!" demanded Alois. Claude picked up Alois and carried him like a child.

"So what are we getting?" asked Alois.

"We're getting tea."

"YAY! TEA!" cheered Alois. He looked around at the variety of people. _'HA!' he thought. 'They're all so ugly! They should all die! Just DIE!'_

"Donna-sama, why are you grinning like that?" his butler asked. Alois just kept on starting into the distance. "Well this can't be good," he mumbled as he continued to walk on. When they got to the shop where they sold tea, Alois finally spoke.

"Hey Claude, why are we getting tea at a pheasant shop?" asked Alois.

"Because you like their tea," he replied.

"But they're pheasants! Old people! Not worthy of my money!" complained Alois.

"Donna-sama, we've been through this before, not everyone is as rich as you. And you told me you loved the tea I got here so we're gonna buy it."

"Fine," Alois said. He made Claude put him down so he could walk around the shop. He went to the back room where there was more tea stored. He decided to grab some tea packs and shoved them in his pockets. _'Hehehehe I love shoplifting!'_ Alois laughed evilly in his mind.

"Time to leave, Donna-sama," Claude called from the back of the store.

"Ok!" Alois called back. He skipped to the front of the store to Claude and they headed out. Claude expected Alois to follow him, but for a twist, Alois just stopped walking, but Claude continued on, not knowing he was leaving Alois behind.

Alois giggled and ran to a nearby alley.

"I could have tons of fun here!" he said to himself. Then he heard a rustling noise over near a garbage bin. "It's a hobo!" cheered Alois. "I've never met a hobo before!" he ran over to the person. "HI STRANGER! How's life as a hobo?"

"Hobo?" he replied, "I'm not a hobo! I'm the Undertaker!

"Really?" said Alois surprised, "Then ya might wanna consider a haircut, dude. What are you doing out here anyway?"

"Looking for dead stuff."

"Have fun with that!~" Alois skipped away leaving the Undertaker, slightly offended from being called a hobo.

Alois continued skipping until he reached the end of the alley way. He was feeling extraordinarily evil so he took garbage bad and put it over his head and ran out to a nearby shop.

He ran inside and yelled: "Gimme yo money!" like a mugger.

The girl at the counter screamed and ran into the back room while all the customers panicked. Alois quickly raided the cash register and ran out the door, laughing like an insane maniac.

"Well," he said to himself as he ran back to him mansion, "Today wasn't bad. I stole some tea, met a hobo, and robbed a shop! YAAAY!" Alois soon made it back to the Trancy estate.

"Donna-sama! Where have you been?" said a frantic Claude the second he walked in.

"Awwww you were worried about me?" cooed Alois.

T_T

"Anyway, guess what I got!" Alois showed him all the tea and money he had stolen and told him the story.

"What?" Claude exclaimed, "Why didn't you tell me? I could've gotten even more money!"

"Nu uh Claude! Well I'm going to bed, nighty night, Claude-o!" said Alois. "Oh yeah, did you ever clean that barf up?"

O_o "Crap! Claude ran to the office. Alois giggled and ran to his room and fell asleep in minutes. He dreamt he jumped off a cliff and committed suicide. Again. But of course, he woke up before he died. =)

**Please review!**


	7. Claude Faustus

**A/N: OMG this is the last chapter! :O I hope you all enjoyed what I wrote! I was going to do more people, but I just wasn't into Kuroshitsuji anymore when I wrote this a few months ago :3 Thanks for everyone's support on this and all my stories! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kuroshitsusji**

**NOTE: I updated these chapters to fix grammar errors**

_Claude Faustus_

It was early in the morning when Claude went to wake his master. He knew the blondie wouldn't like getting up so early, but he had lessons to learn. Claude knocked on the door.

"Donna-sama," he said. There was no one in the bed so Claude walked in the room. 'Maybe he jumped out the window.' Claude thought coldly. Just as Claude was in the room, he was tackled by an 'unknown object' and fell to the floor.

"Did I scare you Claude?" asked a bubbly Alois.

"Not really," he replied in a monotone voice.

"Grrr," Alois growled. Claude just sighed. He should have known Alois would do something stupid again. He always did. They got up from the ground. Claude got Alois dressed like normal. He hated doing that because he grinned like a creeper. It made Claude feel claustrophobic. 'Stupid kid,' Claude thought bitterly. When that was done, he fed Alois breakfast. It turned out that Alois was fidgety today, so he ended up tying him to his chair.

"Claude!" said Alois. "I don't like being restrained!" Alois kept rocking around in the chair.

"Yes, but you're giving me a headache." Alois wasn't listening. He rocked so hard he fell to the ground.

"CLAUDE-OOOOOO!" yelled Alois. Claude untied Alois and helped him up.

"Okay Donna-sama, it's time for lessons," said Claude.

"Yay! I love lessons!"

" I don't," said Claude. Alois always got off topic during his classes. Claude also hated how it was only them in the room. Once again, it made him feel claustrophobic. While Claude got the lesson plans ready, Alois sat in his chair, grinning. Very creepily.

"Um, ok Donna-sama. We'll start off with some math."

"Yay!" cheered Alois.

"Today you have to take a quiz on the last chapter." Claude gave Alois his test. He stared at it for about 5 minutes.

Claude sighed. "Donna-sama, you have to start sometime."

"Start what?"

"Your test!"

"I'M TAKING A TEST? OMG!" cried Alois.

"Oh geez," mumbled Claude.

"Can you help me?" Alois pouted.

"It's a test Donna-sama, I'm not allowed to help."

"Ugggh," complained Alois and went to writing on his test.

After 10 minutes, Alois said: "I'm done!" Claude took Alois' paper from his desk and looked at it. Every answer was wrong.

"Okay, it looks like we'll need to go over this," said Claude.

"Did you see the picture I drew you on the back?" asked Alois.

"Wha-?" Claude flipped the paper over. It was a picture of Claude and Alois in a field of flowers. "This isn't art class! Anyway," he gave the paper back, "let's go over this. The first question is 2x6."

"The answer is peanuts!" said Alois,

"No it's not! You didn't even have it on your page! You had…Santa Claude? What?"

"Tehe!" giggled Alois.

"Donna-sama, all you do is when you see something times 2 is take the other number and add it by itself," Claude explained.

"Ooookkk," said Alois.

"You don't have a clue on what I'm talking about, do you?"

"Not at all," replied Alois.

Claude sighed. "Ok, what should we 'learn' about next?"

"Ciel Phantomhive!"

"NO!" Claude said. "Do you not care about your education?"

"Yes, but personally I think you're a bad teacher. You need to let loose!"

"Are you kidding me?" Claude complained.

"No, I'm not!" Alois smiled. "I'll teach you how to be cool, Claude-o!"

"I am cool!"

"…Sure," Alois hesitated in saying. So Alois got Claude to sit in his desk so he could play teacher and then ran out of the room, saying he'd be right back. '_I bet the kid'll try to murder me,'_ Claude thought. Soon, Alois ran back into the room with a mustache drawn on his face. He was also wearing high heels.

"What are you doing?" exclaimed Claude.

"Hey, if I'm gonna be a teacher, I've gotta look adultish, which means I need to be tall! And have facial hair!" grinned Alois.

"Whatever," said Claude.

"Ok, to be a cool teacher, there are only three things you have to do: Give me As, assign no homework, and talk about Ciel Phantomhive!"

"Donna-sama! That's obsurd!" said Claude.

"Nu-uh! Meanie!" pouted Alois.

"It doesn't matter. Let's end lessons for today."

"OK!" So Alois ran around the rest of the afternoon, threatening Hannah with a dagger. Claude just cleaned the mansion, leaving the spider webs alone, and tap danced on the balcony. As he was dancing he heard: "HI CLAUDE!"

"AHH!" Claude fell off the balcony.

"This is fun, isn't it Claude-o?" Now Alois was tap dancing on the balcony. This enraged Claude. How dare he steal his moves! He wanted to suffocate the little brat, but instead he said: "That's nice, Donna-sama."

As the day went by, Claude dealt with Alois's little annoying tricks. He was ready to go hide in the closet, except for there was someone approaching the manor. Claude went to answer the door. When he opened it, there was a man standing there in a coat and hat. He was holding a large suitcase.

"May I help you?" Claude asked.

"Yes," he said, "I have been traveling for many miles. Would you be able to spare me a shelter?"

"A traveler!" cheered Alois, "Let him in, Claude!"

"Certainly." Claude let the stranger in. He sensed the man's disgust. "Is something the matter?"

"It's just that spider web. What is a butler who can't even keep every corner in top notch?"

"The spider is a symbol of the Trancy manor. We prefer to leave them alone," replied Claude.

"Is that so?" he said. Claude knew from the second he opened the door that this stranger was a demon, Sebastian Micheleas. '_His true identity will soon be revealed,'_ he thought.

"Let's take him to his room, Claude!" said Alois, interrupting his thoughts.

"Right." Claude took the other demon to a spare room. As Claude was leaving, he said to Alois: "Are you coming, Donna-sama?"

"I'll be down later, I'm gonna hang out with the stranger!" he replied.

"Alright," Claude said. He went downstairs. Even if he had not known who the stranger was, he wouldn't have cared that Alois would be left alone with him. He could eat his arms and legs for all he cared. As long as the soul belonged to Claude. After a while, Claude went upstairs to check on them. When he opened the door, the demon ran out the door.

"Stop him Claude! Don't kill him! Just stop him!" shouted Alois.

'_Why the heck not?'_ he thought angrily. Oh well, he had to follow orders. Soon he caught up with him. "Stop right there, Sebastian Micheleas."

"I will not." He ran into the cellar and took a can filled with tea bags.

"NOOOO!" Alois cried, "Not my favorite tea! Take the other ones, just not that one!"

"Aww is the little boy going to cry?" Sebastian mocked.

"Hey!" Alois said offened. The kid, being evil, grabbed the suitcase the demon arrived with and ran off.

"What are you doing?" yelled Sebastian and chased after Alois in pursuit of the case.

"Bwahahahaha! In your face!" Alois continued running.

"Donna-sama!" Claude ran after the two. Eventually, after Sebastian was nowhere in sight, he found Alois hiding in a closet with the suitcase- well actually he heard him. Apparently, Alois was talking to the case and it scared Claude to know why.

"I can't believe it's really Ciel Phantomhive!" he heard Alois say.

"CIEL PHANTOMHIVE? Squealed Claude and burst into the closet. Sure enough, a sleeping Ciel was lying inside the suitcase with Alois cooing over him.

"Hey Claude, I thought you didn't like Ciel!" said Alois.

"I, uh, I-I don't!" Claude stuttered.

"Ah ha! I've found you!" The demon had found his master.

"NO!" cried Alois, "You can't take him away! I WANT HIM!"

"Too bad, sucka!" Sebastian somehow got ahold of the case. "Hahaha!" he laughed as he jumped out the nearest window, glass flying everywhere.

"NOOOOO! WHY?" Alois was hysterical. "It's all your fault, Claude!"

"ME? Why!"

"You _had_ to burst in when I was with Ciel , and now he's gone! WAAH!"

Claude sighed. "And you think I'm not disappointed?"

"Do you think I care?"

"No."

"Exactly," said Alois. "What a day! I'm going to bed, nighty night Claude-o!" Alois skipped away. Claude just stood there dumbfounded.

"Stupid kid," he said and walked away to do the chores he hadn't finished earlier. And then he did nothing. Because he has no life. :P

**Please review! I hope you enjoyed the story! (Even though the last chapter **_**sucked!**_** :3)**

**~reyrocks**


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